Like the women Ye picked out before, Bianca Censori, more commonly known as Kanye’s ‘wife’, has become known for wearing confusing, and often unsettling outfits.
From Kim Kardishian’s Balenciaga get up, that was ‘heavily influenced’ by Ye, to Bianca Censori’s Mowalola Tape ensemble, it seems he not only control’s the wardrobes of his partners, but uses them to objectify, humiliate and publicly assert his dominance over them.
One of the first Red Flags my abusive ex waved was to throw away all of my clothes when I was visiting friends for a weekend. He literally left me one change of underwear, my frumpiest top and a pair of my least flattering trousers. He explained that my clothes were ‘cheap’, and he would take me on a shopping trip to build me a wardrobe that truly reflected by inner strength and beauty. I now can’t believe that I eventually accepted this, even though the replacement wardrobe consisted of ugly, badly fitting hand downs from his mother (another blog on narcissist’s relationships with their mothers)!
However, we digress. The latest outing from Ms Censori West has left me unable to keep schtum. Commentary about it evidences how deeply ingrained misogyny runs through the media. Ignoring Bianca’s submissive posture, and frankly fearful gaze, reminiscent Offred in ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ they mock her ‘condom stocking’ and jeer at her audacity to wear such a thing to church.
What they fail to report is that the dress emulates the South African custom of necklacing. A torture method traditionally used on informants of the anti-apartheid movement. A petrol doused tyre is forced over their neck and arms, and set alight. Any survivors are scarred for life and forever physically marked as a traitor. This leads to question if Kanye’s choice of her outfit, combined with Bianca’s body language, is him publicly portraying her as a traitor (to him? His religion?), publicly threatening her about what will happen if she dares to defy him (again)? Is this coercive control in plain sight, with the media re-enforcing male dominance through minimising, victim blaming and further humiliating the victim?
I’ll leave you to decide.
I’m lucky. My ex was not extremely powerful, wealthy or influential. Even though it took me just over the standard 7 attempts to successfully escape my abusive relationship, then another couple of years to become legally protected from him, I am now relatively safe. His power does not reach my potential employers or landlords, and he probably can’t afford a decent private detective, or hit man. Escaping, then detangling from him, was by far the hardest thing I have ever done. I left with a pushchair in front of me, and backpack behind, and have been moving forwards ever since. It cost me my life savings, home, friends, identity and has changed me forever. But unlike the women who become entangled with powerful men, I am free.
Jane Monckton Smith’s brilliant book ‘In Control: Dangerous Relationships and How They End in Murder’ is a must read for anyone who wants to understand the insidious reality of coercive control and domestic abuse.
https://howltruth.com/products/9781526613226?_pos=4&_sid=4aa725d12&_ss=r
For books on systemic violence, and how it is used to control women, all of the time, I recommend:
Vivek Shraya ‘I’m afraid of Men’. www.howltruth.com/products/9780735235939
Jan Jordan ‘Tackling Rape Culture’ www.howltruth.com/products/9781032263595
Sue Lloyd-Roberts ‘The War on Women' www.howltruth.com/products/9781471153921?_pos=1&_psq=war+on+women&_ss=e&_v=1.0
